Copyright 2012, by mikecb
We sat at the kitchen table, each with our coffee mug. It was time for “the talk”. I was terrified of what I was about to propose, but it was really the next logical step. I couldn’t stand to let things remain as they were. For his part, he looked as nervous as I felt. I tried to be strong.
“Honey, it’s time we talked about where we’re going with this.” I said.
“Yea, I figured.” He said. There was a resigned tone in his voice. “I’ve apologized a dozen times, but really, I’m sorry I got so pushy the other day. It’s just. Well, I’m so damned horny.” He dropped his eyes.
“Do you still want to wear that chastity tube? Seriously, now. We’ve been at this for a few years. You don’t get out often, and I thought we both liked it that way. I just want to make sure I’m not wrong about this.”
“I still do. You know… I mean, yea. I do. I was whiny and pushy the other day. I wasn’t living up to what I promised. You got into this chastity keyholding thing for me, and .. I let you down.”
“Yes, you did, but I love you anyway.” I smiled then. A genuine smile.
He smiled back. “I love you too.” He said. He lifted his coffee mug, seeming relieved.
“That’s not the end of it, though.” I said.
His face soured, as if the coffee had gone bad. He gulped it, audibly. I almost had to suppress a giggle. He looked at me, confused. I continued.
“We’ve been moving more and more toward a Femdom relationship over the last six months. It’s funny, I didn’t even know what that was five years ago. You’ve pushed and nudged. At first I complied, and tried my best, but you know what? I’m not faking it any more.” I paused and looked him in the eye. “I like it.”
“You’ve gotten good at it, too.” He replied with a proud smile.
“Don’t smile so much.” I replied. “You may not like what comes next.” My heart pounded in my chest, but I put on my best serious look.
The smile drained from his face. Good.
“The fact is…. I want it. I may want it more than you.”
He looked confused for a moment, and then smiled. I could almost read his thoughts. He was wondering what the big deal might be.
“That’s fine with me,” he began. “I’d like that.” He smiled. So naive.
“Oh, you won’t like it. That’s what this discussion is about.”
He looked confused. “What’s to discuss. We’d just keep on doing the same thing, right?”
“No,” I began. “Not at all.” I paused a drew a breath. This was the tough part. Would he agree? “What I’m talking about is taking control. Real control. No more topping from the bottom. No more topping so that you enjoy everything. I mean me being in charge, and you doing exactly what I tell you to.”
“Sure, that sounds fun.” He said, grinning.
“No. It won’t be.” I replied, seriously. “I’m talking about no more games. No more ‘I’m not in the mood’. No more whining. I’m talking about you obeying, or being punished.”
I could see he was beginning to process what I was saying.
“So, you’re talking about real, full-on Femdom.”
“Yes,” I nodded. My heart was literally about to leap out of my chest. “I make the rules. You obey. If you don’t, I punish you. That’s what I’m p-proposing.” I stumbled on the last word. Damn.
To his credit, he got quiet. He stared across the room, unseeing. He was processing.
“What about safewords? What if I…” He paused looking for words.
“I thought about that.” I interrupted. I don’t think we can have safewords for orders or commands. You will have to obey.” I said. My heart was racing, but I was feeling more confident. It was out there. We were discussing it. “I think the safeword should only apply to safety or injury. I can’t have you safewording out of an order to take out the garbage or whatever.”
“Makes sense,” he said, distractedly. I could still see the gears turning in his head. “What about punishment? You mentioned it several times. I assume that means you want to use pain, sometimes.”
He said it very matter of fact way. I was surprised. I had thought this would be a major bone of contention, if not angst, in this conversation.
“Yes, I think corporal punishment will definitely have to be a part of this. We know you like mild pain play, but we’ve never taken it beyond what turns you on.” I paused. Damn, I was feeling shaky again. “What I’m suggesting is that if I need to punish you.. That… that.. “ Fuck!. “That you won’t like it. It’ll be…” Fuck. I was flustered.
“Intense.” He finished.
I sighed at my own inability to say what needed to be said. “Yes. If I punish you, it will hurt, and not in a good way. It will be … intense. The intent will be to make you honestly wish not to be punished again.”
“But what if I don’t… I mean, what if I don’t agree to be punished?”
He got it. Right there.
“Exactly. What if? That’s the question you have to answer. If we agree to this, there will be no turning back, but we both have to agree, right now, what the answer to that question is.
He grew silent, again, processing. I love that about him. That intense glare, while staring at nothing. He really is quite brilliant. I don’t believe in “Female Superiority”. He’s better at some things than I am. I’m better at others. As it happens, he’s the smart one in the family, but we both want me to be in charge. The question is, how can we make that happen? I left it to him to sort out, though I was pretty sure he’d arrive at the same answer that I would.
“Deal breaker.” He said, at last. He looked at me. “If I failed to agree to punishment, it would be a deal breaker.”
“I think that’s the only solution,” I agreed. “But let’s agree on what that means.”
“One of two things,” he began. He ticked them off on his fingers. He’s so damn cute when he does that! “One, it means that Femdom is over. Or Two, it means that we are over.” He said it so ‘academically’.
I nodded. Now the hardest part. I took his hand. “Honey, I don’t think I ever want Femdom to be over… I want it as bad as you want to wear chastity belts.”
He looked at me for a long moment. “It sounds like this decision is made.” He began, looking at me. “Femdom or we’re done. Is that what you’re saying?”
My hands shook in his. A tear welled up in my eye. “Yes, Honey. I think so.”
He stared across the kitchen, again. The gears turned. Somehow, I couldn’t enjoy it this time. My stomach was sour. I had just put our entire relationship into this gamble. It was all or nothing. I felt like I was going to throw up.
He turned and looked me in the eye. “I’m in.” He said, simply. A small smile crossed his face.
My heart skipped a beat, but suddenly I could breath again. There was just one last thing. A test, really.
“We’re agreed then? I make the rules. You obey.” I reviewed the details. “Your safeword is only for real safety issues. If you try to pull it out for something just because you don’t like it, I will ignore it. If I’m punishing you, and you use it, I will make sure you are not being permanently injured. If I think you’re safe, I will ignore it.” I looked at him. Frightened now to say the words out loud. “I could never physically make you submit to a punishment. But if you ever refuse to let me tie you down and do it, we’re o…. We’re over. I’ll l-leave you.” Damn. I couldn’t say it without stumbling.
He paused, again, processing every word. “Yes, My Love. That’s what I’m agreeing to.” He looked me in the eye. “I know how much I personally need chastity play. I don’t think I could be in our relationship without it. If you need Femdom like I need chastity, then I’m in. This has been too one-sided.” He paused again. ”I’m in.” He squeezed my hand.
My heart leapt. I lifted his hands in mine, and kissed his knuckles. Thank god!
He smiled at me, now, gently. One last thing to be done.
“We’re settled, then.” I stated. “Now, about the other day. Our agreement is that you never beg to be let out of your chastity belt. Is that correct?” I looked at him, seriously.
I imagine that he was hoping I had moved past this. “Yes, Ma’am.” He said. I could see he was realizing he had a problem.
“How long has it been? Not that I care, but I’m curious.”
“Almost three months, Ma’am.”
“You’ve gone longer than that, haven’t you?” I asked, knowing the answer.
“Well, you will again. Much longer.” I looked at him. His expression was priceless.
I continued. This would be the first test of our new relationship. “Here is what is going to happen. You will not orgasm for at least another six months. If you whine about it again, we’ll discuss whether I ever let you orgasm again. You know I enjoy your tongue and that strap-on just fine. Our sex life hasn’t been about your orgasms for a long time.”
I heard him gulp again, and this time without the mouth full of coffee.
“Now, that was just a reminder about not whining. You have yet to be punished.”
His eyes grew wide.
“Here is what’s going to happen. You’ll find that I set up the St. Andrews Cross downstairs while you were out this afternoon. You are going to go downstairs and strip off all of your clothes. The cuffs and locks are there. You can strap your legs in, and your left arm. There is a handcuff hanging there for your right arm. I think you can manage to get it on and closed without my help. You’ll go down and lock yourself to that cross, and wait for me.”
He was growing pale. Excellent.
“When I come down, I am going to make you feel pain like you have never felt it before. Before it is done, you will scream.” I poked his hand with my finger. “You will safeword.” I poked his hand again. “And you will cry.” I poked it one last time. “It will be the worst night of your life. I promise that your cock and balls will be so raw, bloodied and tender that you won’t have any use for them for several weeks. You’ll remember for a very long time that you should not beg to use them.”
“Honey, you don’t have to..”
I raised a finger, and looked at him sharply. He shut up immediately.
“Was that whining?”
He looked angry for a moment, and then lowered his head. “No, ma’am.” He muttered.
“What was that? I couldn’t hear you.”
“No, Ma’am. I’m sorry.”
“Yes. You will be.” I said. “Now, go downstairs, and lock yourself to that cross. You’re going to have a long afternoon and night. We might as well get started.”
He looked as if he was about to say something, and then caught himself. Good boy. He glared off into space for just a moment, again, no doubt calculating possibilities and options. After a moment, his shoulders lost their defiant strength. His head lowered a little, and he stood up from the table. He looked at me, longingly, for a moment. Perhaps looking for the Woman I once was. I glanced at him, impassively. With my eyes, I gestured that he should put his coffee mug in the sink.
He stood, pouring the last of the coffee down the drain. He turned toward the door without saying a word. He stopped in the door frame, one hand leaning against it. His back was to me. He looked tired.
“I love you.” He said, looking at the floor.
“I love you, too.” I replied.
He went to the basement.