Wednesday, February 2, 2011

Dealing with the self-image and ego challenges of chastity play

I've been reminded, over the last week, about how hard it is to set aside years of being concerned about a macho self-image, and other people's perceptions.

I've read many blogs and postings by men, new to chastity play, who are worried someone might see the tell-tale bulge of a chastity tube in their pants, or that someone will find them out.  To be sure, the first time you wear one out in public, you would swear everyone is looking at your crotch.  After a while, you're only a little self-conscious about it.  Eventually, you don't give it a second thought.  It takes time, though.

Of course, many men (myself included) have a macho self-image which is challenged by the notion of chastity play.  Does it make me a wimp or some kind of sissy?  What would my male friends think if they knew?  Could they ever look at me the same way again?

Some very reluctant newcomers are so nervous about both of these issues that they're reluctant to take that first step and talk to their partner, and buy a device.  I'll be honest, and admit that I had begun to lose sympathy for people expressing the difficulties in "coming out" about this fetish.  "Oh, just suck it up.  It's no big deal!" I would think to myself, as I read these blogs, again and again.  I'd even conveniently forgotten how my own heart was racing in my chest, as I first broached the topic with my own Wife.

Then, this past week happened, reminding me of my folly.  Just by happenstance, a friend wanted to try a new sport which necessitated me showering at a different gym which does not have private shower stalls.  Now, for the past several years, I've exercised in gyms almost exclusively with private stalls.   This presented a little issue.  Now,while I'm wearing my CB presently, but I do maintain shaved pubes, and it's hard to miss my 4GA PA piercing, if one happens to glance down at my hairless wobbly bits. 

Now, I'm not particularly ashamed of either staying shaved, nor having a PA, but I have to admit, going into this big locker room was damned uncomfortable for me.  The first time, I found myself wrapping a towel around my waist, and showering facing the wall as much as I could, even if that meant not getting a lot of water down my back! lol.   It wasn't until I left the locker room, that I realized how silly I was being.   In recent years I've been trying to make myself more comfortable with my own kinks, and here I found I had suddenly regressed a good bit.  So, the next few visits, I made it a point to behave the way I always used to in that locker room.  Making no special efforts to cover up, nor any special efforts to be seen.  I just did my thing.

Man was it uncomfortable!.  I'm sure I got a few stares and double-takes, but I did my best to ignore them.  Still, when all is said and done, I'm glad I'm forcing myself to do it.  I prefer to shave.  Big freakin' deal.  I have a pierced nipples and a PA.  It's nobody's business by my own.  I'm pleased that I'm fighting through the jitters, and being myself.  I'm trying not to let other people's opinions diminish my own enjoyment.

So, anyway, I've been suitably humbled.  I still have my own ego and macho issues to work through, even about body shaving and piercings.  So perhaps it's not so silly to be self-conscious about wearing that chastity device in public the first few times.  It's a big step.  It's uncomfortable at first, but it's worth it.

And, Yes, it may be terrifying to raise the topic of chastity play with your partner.    I rehearsed the conversation over and over in my head for weeks, building up the courage.  But when we finally did discuss it, I was amazed at how smoothly the conversation went.    I'm so glad we DID discuss it. 

Nothing ventured, nothing gained.   Take a chance and be yourself.


  1. Hey Mike,

    Great post. I was like you at first. Now I just see it as a form of fetish body jewelry. It is on my chart at my doctor’s office. She a woman and doesn’t care, nor any of the staff. I was not so brazen when I first started though. As you say, it takes time to realize, no one gives a shit.


  2. Nice post. I'm struggling with the same issues myself. I have no probs going to the gym and letting everyone see my PA and (growing back) shaved pubes, but the PA-5000? For me that's a step too far. Also, guys from my place of work go there as well. There's no doors on the showers.
    See my last post which is on this subject.

  3. Wow...i'm going to have to review my feelings now...i still where the towel...and try to avoid being "found out" at the gym....sometimes i'm locked in the device itself...other times it's the panties my Wife may have ordered me to where...i have to slip them inside my trousers and pull everything up at once to avoid being seen donning Women's underware...hmmm you are brave...and secure in this area...i don't know yet....

  4. Heh - last year, I wasn't wearing the device at a doctor's visit, but I ended up having to drop my pants for a full-frontal. I had just freshly shaved, and since I'm a hairy guy, it was pretty noticeable.

    Fortunately, the doc is a younger guy, and since I had just been talking to him about cycling, he probably assumed that I shaved to avoid itching.

    Maybe :-/

  5. Mike, Thanks for the post. I'm at that reluctant newcomer stage you mentioned, just waiting for my CB6000s to show up in the mail. It was heartening to read your comments about showering, and now I'm slightly less apprehensive about my first outing while wearing the device.

  6. This post was not porn, but it sure made me squirm.


  7. Mr. Harry Haversackers,

    you will think everyone will be noticing. They will not. If it is of comfort, wear a shirt untucked, which will cover the area with the loose shirt. You have the "S" model. It is very discrete. I wear mine 24/7, to the office, to the pool, family functions, church...... No one has ever given the slighest indication of noticing. The person who notices is me, but that is kinda the point. ;-}

  8. Good on you for confronting the options.

    now I'm not in chastity...(yet) not for lack of trying. but I do have the PA (currently at 2g) and pierced nipples, plus a Scarfication and a Branding on my back. But I NEVER had and hangups about them in the showers at the gym. It started a few interesting conversations in the steam room and change area but that was all. If someone wanted to talk about it fine if not i just ignored the looks. But I've been in the bdsm scene for over 20+ years and have no body shame anymore.