Saturday, January 15, 2011

Fiction: Barely There, Chapter 2

Barely There
Copyright 2010 by mikecb
Chapter 2

Kelly pulled the last few wax-impregnated strips from Jeff’s scrotum with a little smile.  Jeff was still speechless, as Kelly had just discovered that he wore a chastity device.  He had revealed that secret to his last few girlfriends, and those relationships didn’t go well afterward.   Kelly wasn’t his girlfriend, but she wasn’t reacting as he expected.  Unlike the other women, Kelly didn’t seem freaked out or concerned.  In fact, she had a smug little smile on her face since she discovered the chaffing marks on his testicles, and deduced he must wear a chastity belt.  She was obviously familiar with them, and he was curious.  Unfortunately, he had no idea how to ask.

“I’m sorry, Jeff.  I shouldn’t have said anything or let on.  It’s really none of my business.  It just.. well, caught me by surprise.  I’m not much of a poker player, if you couldn’t guess.”

Jeff laughed nervously.  “It’s… it’s alright.  I just, well, you know.  I prefer to be discrete about it.  I don’t exactly advertise it.”

“Oh.  Well, let me put your mind at ease.  My shop is like Las Vegas.  What happens in Barely There, stays in Barely There.  My clients have every right to expect discretion.”

“Thanks.” He said, still feeling a little awkward.

Kelly had finished waxing him.  She gently pulled the blanket over him, and set a few of her things out of the way.

“OK, why don’t you go ahead and get dressed.  I’ll pour that cup of coffee.  You promised you’d have one!  Don’t make me drink the whole pot by myself!” 

Jeff smiled and said “I wouldn’t miss it!” 

Kelly smiled in return and stepped out of the treatment room.

Jeff got off the table, and took a moment to run his hands over his chest and public region.  They were smoother than he’d ever had them, though a little tingly and sensitive.  He assumed that sensation would clear up eventually.

He arrived in the lobby to find Kelly behind the counter.  A steaming cup of coffee was on the glass countertop, beside a sheet of paper.  There was a title at the top of the sheet – “Aftercare Instructions”.    Kelly discretely placed a small receipt beside the instructions. 

“So, if the bill isn’t high enough, I’ve got a few other things I can sell you.” Kelly said, with a grin.  Jeff glanced at the receipt as he sipped the coffee, which really was extraordinarily tasty.  He looked up to see Kelly holding up a few plastic bottles.

“So, in those instructions I suggest exfoliating in a few days.  I also suggest using something to help avoid getting pimples or infected hair follicles.   These are the products I recommend.”

Jeff only glanced at the instructions in passing.  “Well, I always get frustrated with my customers when they don’t do what I recommend, so I guess I’d best just buy that stuff.  If my customers make me mad, the most I can do is wire them up for an electrical fire.  Hell, in there, I’m naked, and you have a pot of scalding hot wax.  You win!  Whatever you say goes, Ma’am!”

Kelly burst out laughing.  “Now that’s a proper attitude!  Hell hath no fury like an aesthetician scorned!” 

“I can only imagine!”  Jeff looked at the bottles for a moment.  “You’ll have to tell me how to use this stuff.   I thought one exfoliated with a weed whacker, not a bottle of creamy goo!”

Kelly laughed cheerfully, and explained how to use the products.  She bagged them up for him, as he pulled out a credit card to square up the bill, including a generous tip.  That taken care of, she suggested that he come back in about three weeks for another waxing appointment.  “If it gets close, and you think you need it sooner or later, just give me a call and we can reschedule.”  With another comparison of her calendar and his iPhone, the appointment was booked.

By this point, it was just about noon.  Jeff was surprised to find that he was feeling reluctant to leave the shop.  He was really enjoying Kelly’s company.  Having someone else know his secret was almost liberating.  He wondered if they could talk about it a little.  He was curious about her experience with chastity belts.  She had mentioned that her ex wore one for her.  He was still struggling to decide how to brooch the topic when Kelly said “OK, well thank you so much for your business, Jeff.  I’ve enjoyed your company.  Umm…. would you perhaps like to join me for lunch?”

Jeff raised an eyebrow, eager to take her up on the offer.  He didn’t have any pressing jobs today.  He planned to drop in at a new house build this afternoon, but he didn’t have a set schedule.  He was about to say “Yes” as Kelly reached under the counter, and opened a small cube refrigerator.  She pulled out two microwave burritos.   “I’ve got chicken and pork!”

Jeff was stunned.  “You eat….. THAT?!?” 

Kelly’s face dropped a little.  She suddenly looked self-conscious.  “Uh.. yea.” she said meekly.  “What, are you a vegetarian or something?”

Jeff resolved his plan instantly.  He was surprised by his own boldness.  “You said you don’t have any appointments until three?”

Kelly nodded, looking a little confused.

“Can you close up shop for an hour?  I’d like to take you someplace and get you a decent meal!” 

“Um.. I suppose…  You’re not going to make me eat wheat germ and alfalfa sprouts or something, are you?”  She asked with a grin.

“Definitely no wheat germ!” he said, grinning back.  “As for the rest, I make no promises, other than I think you’ll like it.”

Kelly smiled and exclaimed.  “It’s a date!”  She paused then, and looked embarrassed.  “Um..  Is it a date?  I mean, I don’t…”

Jeff interrupted.  “I suppose that depends on your policy on dating clients.”  He smiled at her, raising an eyebrow.

Kelly laughed.  “Well, I’ve never been interested in dating one of my clients before, seeing as most of them are middle-aged women!  You could be the first, though.”

“I’d like to be.”  Jeff replied.

Kelly grabbed her purse from under the counter.  “Well then, as I said.  It’s a date!”

They took Jeff’s pickup truck.    That had a laugh as she went to climb into the passenger seat.  His truck was a full-sized pickup, with heavy duty suspension and large tires.  It allowed him to get into primitive construction sites when doing electrical work.  Unfortunately, the truck was not well designed for 5’2” aestheticians.  He had to take her by the waist and give her a boost up.  He thought that was a little more gentlemanly than pushing her ass, though it was quite a tempting idea, and quite a lovely ass.

“Where are we going?” Kelly asked.

“A quiet little place I know.” Jeff replied, enigmatically.  He drove for a few minutes, leaving the small town they lived in and entering into the farm country on the perimeter.  The whole notion of “dating” was quite a surprise to Jeff, albeit a pleasant one.  He peeked out of the corner of her eye, as she looked at the countryside.   She was dressed in a simple button-down blouse, jeans and sneakers.  He found himself taking in the curve of her breast and the shape of her face as he glanced at her in profile.  She was much smaller than anyone he had dated before, but quite pretty.  Her red hair and piercing blue eyes were quite striking.

“What’s out here?  I didn’t know there was a restaurant out here in farm country.” said Kelly, with a slight look of concern. 

“Best one in town.  Chez Pierre’s.” he said.  He turned off onto a side road, and a few hundred yards  from the corner, he pulled into his driveway.  A sign on the lawn announced his home-based business “Jeff Peters Electric – Home and Commercial”

Kelly grinned and looked at him.  “You can cook?!?  Where have you been all my life, Jeff Peters?!?”

“The jury is still out on my cooking.  Why don’t you come in, and you can decide.”  Jeff walked around to the passenger side, and Kelly leaned on his shoulder as she lowered herself from his immense truck. 

“How much property do you own out here?” asked Kelly, as she looked around. 

“Well, I’ve got the house and barn over there.  I use the barn to store tools and larger supplies for my business.   There’s about 20 acres behind.  I like the property.  There’s a lot of privacy in the back, with the hedgerows on each side.  Most of the land is just scrub trees.  I cut my own firewood back there.  I’m friendly with the neighbors, but we only see each other a few times a year.  I’ve done a little work in pretty much every house on this road, though.  Nice folks.”

The house was a 3 bedroom ranch, he explained, with an attached two car garage.  Jeff’s truck was too big to fit in the garage comfortably, so he always parked it on the gravel drive.  He used the garage to park his motorcycle, and an ATV that he used to haul a wagon for his firewood.  He also had shelves stocked with the most common electrical supplies he used for his business.

Done looking around, the entered the house through the garage.  Jeff kicked off his shoes as they entered the mud room.  “Can you take your shoes off?  I try not to track a lot into the house.”

Kelly was happy to slip off her sneakers.  Jeff noticed her socks had little race cars on them.  The mud room attached directly to the kitchen.  “So, here is the heart and soul of Chez Pierre’s.” said Jeff with a smile.  “If you need the facilities, they’re down the hall there – first door on the right.  If not, have a seat, and let me whip something together.  I hope you don’t mind leftovers.  I promise they’re still better than a microwave chicken burrito!”

Kelly grinned.  “Ah hah!  But, I’m sure they’re no competition for the pork!  Those are my favorite!”  She hovered near the butcher block counter in the middle of the kitchen, rather than sitting.  “You’re sure there’s not something I can do?” she asked.

Jeff opened the fridge, and started pulling out some sealed Tupperware containers.  He paused to consider, and said “Sure, why don’t you pick the wine.  We’ll be having poultry, if that’s OK.  So how about a white?  My wine rack is right there in the pantry.”  He pointed to a door to the side of the kitchen.

“Oh, Chicken’s fine.” She said.  She went over to the pantry and opened the door.  His walk-in pantry was quite large.  She must have been surprised by the wine rack, given the way she gasped.   It occupied one whole wall, and had about 200 bottles in it.  She called out from inside.  “I’m guessing my favorite brand with the screw top isn’t going to be in here?”

Jeff laughed.  “Hmm, yes, perhaps our tastes are a little different.  I’m guessing you’ll prefer a sweet one.  Just grab any old Riesling.  It’ll either be good, or one I haven’t tried.  It’ll be like an adventure!”

Kelly muttered something he couldn’t hear, as he worked.  He set a corkscrew on the counter, as he quickly sorted out food.  He put the poultry on a big plate, cold.  He put the quiche in the microwave and set it for a few minutes, as he opened the large Tupperware container with the salad.  He pulled a few bottles of dressing from the fridge and set them on the counter, just as Kelly returned with a puzzled look on her face.

“Half those bottles weren’t even in English!  You said you wanted an adventure?  Well, this looks like it’s a white.  I have no clue what it is!”  She laughed, perhaps a little self consciously.

Jeff looked at the label.  “Oh, you’ll like that!”  He pointed to the corkscrew.  “Wine glasses are in the middle cabinet over there.” 

Kelly went and opened the cabinet.  She paused for a minute.  “Umm.. Jeff?....”

“The smaller ones.  Big ones are for reds.”

“Uhh.. thanks.  That’s what I thought.” She said, uncertainly.

Jeff chuckled as she came back with the wine glasses.    He began to think of her affectionately as a diamond in the rough.

“Hey!  I’m not a bumpkin, you know!  I’m a redneck!” exclaimed Kelly.  She began opening the bottle with the corkscrew he had set out.

“I didn’t say anything!”  Jeff retorted with a grin.  He blinked innocently at her.  “Lunch is served.  Nothing fancy.  I’m serving it Family style, as this is only a first date.  Scoop some up, and we can eat at the table.”  He handed her a plate.   “For a second date, I might even do something fancy!”

“Something Fancy!” Kelly muttered, as she looked at the containers of food arrayed before her.  She took the plate and looked down at the poultry.  “Um..  Those are the smallest chickens I’ve ever seen!”

“Cornish game hens.  I think you’ll like it.  I tried a new glaze.  They came out pretty well, if I say so myself.  I made a bunch of extra on Sunday so I’d have them for lunches.  They’re just as delicious cold.”

Kelly looked skeptical, but put one on her plate.  “Adventure, huh?  You mind if I have some wine first?”

Jeff grinned and was about to say something when the microwave beeped.  He pulled the quiche out, and set it down on the counter as Kelly was scooping some salad into a bowl.

“What kind of pie is that?” asked Kelly, with a confused look.

“That’s asparagus quiche.  You don’t mind onions, do you?  There’s a few in there.”

“Uhh.. no….I guess not.” She said, looking really uncomfortable.

“Don’t like asparagus?” asked Jeff, concerned.

“Umm.  I’ve never had quiche.  What’s it like?”

“Well, this one has bacon, eggs, cream, lots of swiss cheese, asparagus and some onions.”  Jeff looked at Kelly’s skeptical expression.  “An adventure!” he finished, smiling.  He scooped up a warm slice, and put it on her plate.

True to her word, Kelly took a few healthy gulps of her wine before trying any of the food.  Jeff tasted the wine and was pleased, as expected.  He didn’t have the heart to tell Kelly that the bottle of wine she was guzzling to screw up her courage had cost him almost $90.  She had accidentally picked one of his finest bottles.  Well, it was a good investment for a lovely girl.  He tried not to grin, as his diamond in the rough started picking at her food.

Kelly fussed and struggled, but eventually carved some meat from the hen.  She literally wrinkled her nose as she put it to her lips, but after a few bites, Jeff was rewarded with a surprised expression on her face.  She smiled and said “That’s really good!”

“Great!  Try the quiche!”  Jeff watched her, riveted, his own plate forgotten before him.  He took delight in watching her face, closely, as she experienced these new foods.

Kelly scooped the tiniest portion of quiche onto her fork, and nibbled.  Again, after a moment, a smile crossed her face.  “Another winner!” she said.    She took a forkful of her salad and began munching.  “What’s the stringy stuff? I don’t think I’ve had that in a salad.  It adds a nice flavor.”

“Those would be the alfalfa sprouts.” said Jeff, and he burst out laughing.   Kelly laughed so hard, she had to cover her mouth to keep the salad in.

Jeff began on his lunch, as Kelly dug into her food.  They didn’t talk much for a few minutes, as they both enjoyed the meal.  Kelly eventually gave up on the silverware for her hen, and tore into it with her fingers.  She finished one, and took another off the serving plate and dug into that as well.  After a few minutes, he was rewarded by a healthy belch.  Kelly unselfconsciously grinned.

“OK, Jeff.  I concede.  This is better than a chicken burrito!”

“Ahh, but the real test…. is it better than the pork?”

She grinned sheepishly.  “Busted…… ya, OK, I admit it.  It’s better than the pork, too.  This stuff is all fabulous!  You eat like this…. all the time?  This is one crazy lunch!”

Jeff smiled, a little self consciously.  “Yea.  I’ve always liked to cook.  It saves a lot of money, compared to eating out for lunch all the time.   Hell, if you leave out the wine, the rest of this food would cost less than a trip to McDonalds.  I usually whip up way too much, and save leftovers for lunch.”

“That’s cool.  That wine is really good, too.  Sorry, I’m drinking so much.  I’m… well…. not so adventurous with food, usually.    I hope it didn’t cost a lot.”

“Oh, no.  Don’t worry about it.  I get it in volume.”  He said, gluing on his most sincere smile.

Lunch was going well, and Jeff was trying to summon the courage to ask Kelly about her experience with chastity belts.  He grew quiet again, as he tried to think of some way to bring it up.  Apparently, his investment in the wine was a good one.  Kelly, now finishing her second (full!) glass, brought it up first.  She looked a little giggly.

“So, since we’re now officially dating,” she began with a grin, “and you’ve got me all tipsy, you can tell me about your chastity belt fetish!”  She gulped the last of her glass of wine.

Jeff offered her a little more, but she put her hand over the glass “I’ve gotta wax an old lady’s junk in a few hours.  Got something without alcohol?”  Jeff grinned.  She was tipsy.

While he was searching for words about his chastity belt hobby, Jeff got up and pulled a bottle of juice out of the fridge and opened it for her.  Kelly looked befuddled and mouthed the word “Pomegranate?” as she sniffed it.  “To adventure!” she said with a grin, and took a sip.   Jeff was rewarded with another smile.

“Well,” he said, as he sat down.  “I guess I’ve been interested in chastity belts since before I knew what they were.  I remember playing games as a teen, trying to wrap things around… myself, and pretend I couldn’t … well… masturbate.”  He took a deep breath.  He was still fighting nerves talking about this topic.  Kelly sat quietly, sipping her juice and letting him talk.  Her eyes betrayed that she was a little buzzed.

“I found out about them on the Internet a few years ago, surfing porn somewhere.  I bought a few plastic ones, but they didn’t work so well.  I finally bought a stainless steel cage.  It’s a lot more hygienic.  I can wear it for …. well.. a longer time.”

Kelly nodded, looking very curious and like she had a thousand questions she wanted to blurt at once.  She had a few false starts, before she finally came to her first question.  “So, is it… I mean.. what if… umm… So, your girlfriend…. did she like it?”

Jeff snorted.  “Crissy and I ended about a year ago.  It was awkward.  I told her about my…. interests… pretty early on.  She just didn’t get it.  Still, we were fairly compatible, and we were together for almost a year.  Finally, I…. well, it was my fault.  I just needed it to be part of …. of ‘us’.  She just couldn’t wrap her head around it, and really didn’t even want to try.  It was not meant to be.”  Jeff sighed, and sipped the last of his wine.  He was starting to think he’d skip work for the rest of the afternoon.  He poured himself another glass.  The bottle was open, after all.  White wine didn’t keep well!

“She’s the only one you… tried?” asked Kelly.

“No, there was Max.  She and I dated just for a few months.   I handled that one badly.  I.. well… I, uh, read a lot of stuff on the Internet.  I was really excited.  When I talked to her about it, I just sort of blurted out all this stuff… about how chastity can be used to get guys to behave certain ways..”  Jeff felt his face growing a little red.  He wished  it was just from the wine.  Still, he was having the conversation.  He was going to finish it.  “Um… you know, submissive stuff… how she could be in charge… stuff like that.”  He was blushing outright, now.  He could feel his face and ears burning.  “It was really too much… I mean, she didn’t know anything about it, and here I was blurting all these fantasies.  Hell, I’m not even sure I knew what I wanted.  I was just so…. so excited by it all.”  He paused, feeling a little depressed.  “It just ruined things.”  He shook his head.  “I don’t know.  Sometimes I think this fetish just means I’m broken.  Maybe I should just keep it in the closet.”

Jeff was past his nerves now, but with that off his chest, he was actually feeling more than a little sad and self-loathing.  He was leaning on his elbows with his face in his hands.  He dared to look up at Kelly.  She was looking at him with concern.  “Oh, I think you’re anything but broken.  We all have… well, needs.  Two bad experiences don’t mean… it’ll never work.”  She reached out and took one of his hands, and held it across the table.  “You’re not the only one to get it wrong at first, you know.”  By his look, she knew his next question.  She didn’t wait for him to ask it.

“I told you about my ex.  ‘The Cheating Bastard’, formerly known as Terry.  Well, I knew he was a flirt and a bit of a player, but I don’t know.  Maybe I just found that exciting.”  She sighed.  “I was an idiot.  I heard some pretty strong rumors that he was two-timing.  I thought we had been pretty clear that we were being exclusive.  In fact, I decided to break up with him….  We were both drunk and arguing.  He was all, like, ‘What can I do to prove I’m not cheating?!?’  I don’t even knew where it came from, but I blurted something like ‘Maybe I should just put a padlock on your cock!’  Well, the fight ended for the night, and I drove home.  Thank god we’re in farm country.  I was so drunk I might have killed someone.  Anyway, I got home, still drunk and royally pissed.  I was sitting looking in facebook.  On impulse, I opened up a Google window and typed ‘I want to lock up his cock’.  Well, that was the beginning of an education.”  She smiled at Jeff, who was watching her raptly.

“Well, still pretty drunk, I ordered up one of those plastic CB things.  I even had it express mailed.  We had argued on a Sunday night.  I kept blowing off his calls and texts for a few days.  The CB arrived on Wednesday.  I finally returned his call, and we got together.  I didn’t know what the hell I was doing.  I said ‘You want to prove you’re faithful?!?  Wear this!’  I tossed the box at him.” She chuckled, then.  “Funny thing was, he actually tried it.  He was all ‘Oh, I’ll be good.  You’re my girl.’  He took it out and tried to figure out how to put it on.”  Kelly paused then.  She started shaking her head.  She looked at Jeff.  “I was such a freakin’ idiot.  Even before he got it on, I was all… well..  we had sex.”  She held her own head, now.  “How could I be so stupid!”

Jeff returned the favor, now, taking her hand back down from her forehead and holding it.  “What happened?”

She sighed.  “Well, he was definitely a cheating bastard.  But you know, in retrospect, I think he just couldn’t help it.  I think he was sincere when he said he didn’t want to cheat.  After we… well, he washed up and put it on.  We didn’t know anything, so I took the keys and left.” 

Jeff laughed.  “Hoo boy!”

“You’re not kidding.  He called me at like 3AM  ‘Oh my god.  It’s tearing my balls off!’.  I didn’t believe him, of course.  Maybe I was a little mad at myself for having sex with him.  I told him to stop being a baby and actually hung up on him.  I finally had to turn off my phone.  He kept calling and texting.  It made me so mad, I didn’t call him back until Friday.”

“Oh jeez.”

“Ya.  I know now what a total asshole I was.  I even feel bad for him, now.  He really kept trying to wear it.  I know he has tools.  He could have cut the lock, but he tried…..” she sighed again.  “We had the fit all wrong, of course.  It really did a number on him.  He was all chaffed behind his balls, and even had a blood blister where he was bulging out of the plastic…. he was practically crying when he begged me to take it off.  I did, of course.  I just…. I didn’t even know what to say.  When realized how torn up his cock and balls were, he just looked at me and said ‘Get out.’”  Kelly was crying a little, now.  “I really….. I really can’t blame him.”

“But you said he was cheating… right?”

“Oh ya!  Saturday, Tina Hathaway comes busting into my shop making a scene.  ‘What did you do to his cock you bitch?!?’”  Kelly stopped, and smiled at the memory.  “I guess I should be grateful.  Until she came in, I didn’t know for sure.  I guess it made me feel a little less guilty.”  She laughed.  “Besides, it was good theater.  It was a regular redneck cat-fight!  It’s funny.  I had a few bad months of business around then.  She shop wasn’t doing so well.   Tina comes in, and… well, it was ugly.  Afterward, I thought that was it.  My shop was done.   But honestly, I think half the busybodies in town made appointments the next week to try to get in on the action.”  Kelly shook her head.  “I haven’t seen Tina since.  I don’t know what happened to her.  I’m sure it was a grave disappointment to all my new customers that there was no more drama.  I kept a few of them, though, and business was up.”  She smiled.

“Redneck cat-fight?  Do tell!!” 

“Well, it wasn’t that epic.  She came in and screamed and yelled a little.  I screamed back.  I think perhaps the words ‘whore’ and ‘bitch’ were exchanged.    Then the idiot pushed me.”

“I think I knew this girl.  Wasn’t she a kind of tall, big girl, like almost 6 feet?”  Kelly nodded.  “What happened?  I mean…. she’s a lot bigger than you!”

Kelly laughed.  “Well, she pushed me.  That was a really dumb idea.”  Jeff looked at her quizzically.  “I may be short, Jeff, but I had two big brothers.  I come by this red hair honestly.  I’m an O’Donnell.  You don’t try to push an Irishman!”

“What did you do?  I mean, she was huge compared to you!”

“I stomped on her foot.  When she bent over, I hit her with a left hook to the ribs, and a right cross right in the nose.”

“Oh my god!” exclaimed Jeff.

Kelly laughed.  “I bloodied her nose.  She had no stomach for a fight.  She started crying and ran for the door.  I made amends though.  I gave her a free, large bottle of exfoliating cream, like you bought.  It hit her in the head as she was opening the door.  She forgot to take it with her, though, in her rush to leave.”

Jeff burst out laughing.  “Holy shit!”

“Let that be a lesson, boyfriend.  Don’t get my Irish up.”  She sat back with a self-satisfied smile and crossed her arms.  “We redheads can be a handful.”

“I see that!” Jeff said, still laughing.  He had a warm feeling inside, from being called Boyfriend.  “Where did you learn to fight like that?”

“Jenny Lawrence’s Cardio-Kickbox class at the ‘Y’.  Tuesdays and Thursdays for almost 3 years now!”

Jeff was still laughing, having a wonderful time as he glanced at his watch.  He jumped up with a start.  “Oh jeez!  I promised I’d have you back to the shop in an hour.  We’d better hustle!”  He started to clear away the lunch dishes.

Kelly sat at the table, and when he turned to her, she looked a little disappointed.  “But what about dessert?” she asked, making puppy-eyes at him.

Jeff paused.  “Umm, I might have something in the fridge…  but won’t you be late getting back?”

Kelly stood.  “Oh, my appointment isn’t until three…. and I was thinking of something much hotter for dessert…“  She began to unbutton her blouse.  “Something ‘adventurous’.  You know… if you’re interested.”  She looked at him with lusty eyes, as she parted her shirt, flashing her lacy bra.

Jeff had his hand on the refrigerator door.  He slammed it shut.  “I love an adventure!” he said with a grin.

They nearly knocked the small kitchen table over, as they lunged for each other.  She was so much smaller than Jeff that she leapt up, wrapping her legs around his torso and her arms around his neck.   Their tongues intertwined as he carried her toward the bedroom.

End Chapter 2.


  1. "Having someone else know his secret was almost liberating."

    I can relate to this. My initial time was done outside my wife's knowing. That lasted about six months, followed by her being freeked out for a long time too. When she finally said she would hold the key about a year later, the feeling was as you say, "Liberating"

    Story is still good. A lot of dialog though. Not as much emotions in this one. Try not to drift too far away from connecting the reader to the charecter's emotions. Just a suggestion though for next one. It is still very good as is.

  2. SH,

    I think your comments are dead-on. I've been challenging myself on this one, with more dialog and a third-person point of view - but only from Jeff's side. I tend to write a lot of first-person, dialog-light stuff, so this is intentional, and challenging. I've started, and deleted, many paragraphs getting into Kelly's head. I'm forcing myself out of my comfort zone for the practice.

    I think in this format, it takes a lot more time to develop characters so that you can perceive emotions better. The third person can talk about Jeff's feelings, but we only have the dialog for Kelly's. So, I spent a whole chapter giving the reader some background and showing their personalities through dialog.

    It makes for a slower read.. perhaps not even as interesting a read as I'd like.. but it's been a fun writing project. I hope the steam coming in the next few chapters will make up for the slow start. We'll see :-)