Wednesday, December 8, 2010

Chastity is NOT Celibacy

So I've seen a common thread in a number of blogs recently.  All For Her just recently blogged that, as he has tried to engage in a Wife Led Marriage involving chastity play, that the amount of intimacy has diminished drastically:
So last night I felt a great frustration.  Not the pleasant frustration of being allowed to give and not receive, just the frustration of realizing my wife and I are clearly not on the same page right now.  This lack of intimacy is brutal.
His frustration certainly resonates with me.  My Wife didn't "get" the whole Tease and Denial need that comes along with chastity play for so many of us.  As a non-submissive type, Tease and Denial is absolutely essential to chastity play for me.  Otherwise, there is no point.  My wife believed that I simply wanted to be locked up between interludes of sex, but otherwise left alone.  In fact, she even felt a little guilty about teasing or intimate behavior while I was locked.  She thought it was cruel.

davidphd186 reported a similar problem in this thread entitled "Has She become afraid to tease you?" on  His wife and he have set a goal for a long duration without orgasm, and she feared compromising that goal with an accidental orgasm.  As a result, she has stopped teasing and denying him, taking a great deal of satisfaction out of the arrangement.

Now, some submissive men may accept celibacy along with their chastity as the "price of admission" for their submission.  I've read a few blogs along those lines, however those individuals take enormous amounts of satisfaction from their submission.  The chastity play is secondary to submission for them.  I think those guys are the minority.

In most cases, those of us guys who instigate chastity play in our relationships, for whatever reasons, have an expectation (right or wrong) that the chastity play will lead to an increased amount of intimacy, contact, and sexual gratification - even if that gratification does not always take the form of an orgasm.  The couple's sex life should end up better and more satisfying because of chastity play.  It shouldn't be diminished.

We crave tease and denial.  We crave non-reciprocal sex because it's a big tease for us, and it gets our partner off.  We crave intimacy, cuddling and loving.  We need them.

We crave Chastity, not Celibacy.


  1. Right On The Mark...

    Great post and a subject a commented on recently too.

  2. Great comments Mike. Thank you for clarifying this important point for so many of us. Unfortunately, many women don't see this and it is difficult to explain to them. You helped such a great deal.

    BTW, I have a PM for you at the MaleChastityForum site.