Sunday, December 5, 2010

Guilt and Orgasm Denial

Here's another post for the more novice chastity enthusiasts.   Whether the notion of  the man wearing a chastity belt was instigated by the wearer, or the keyholder, in many cases, the novice keyholder has to deal with feelings of guilt.

During our own brief and unsuccessful attempts, my Wife's primary issues were with comfort and safety.  She really couldn't get past the notion that I would have nights of restless sleep, chaffing or pinching.  Now, I had worked through most of these issues before offering the keys to her, but still, the concern persisted.  In retrospect, I think it was, in part due to the fact that she wasn't interested in playing the game to begin with.  However, she did have a genuine concern for my comfort and safety.  She struggled greatly with keeping the keys from me.   Ultimately, her "compromise" for this was to hang the key to the chastity belt on the key-hook by the front door, so I could "Unlock if you have a problem."   This was the beginning of the end of our chastity experimentations together.

Other fledgling keyholders struggle with what I call "Non-reciprocal sex".  This is a HUGE turn-on for many CB wearers.  The notion of giving orgasms without receiving them is a key component in submissive as well as Tease & Denial fantasies.

A lot of women struggle with this greatly.  Let's face it.  In our misogynist society, non-reciprocal sex is commonplace in marriages.  The man gets off, and the woman's orgasms are a secondary concern.  What's worse, many women have been so heavily influenced by this culture, that it seems the norm.   My own wife pretty much still believes that "Sex is a thing men enjoy, and women have to put up with", no matter how hard I try to turn this around.

Chastity play turns this horrid cultural norm on its ear, and sadly, a lot of women struggle with it.  The man craves and begs for orgasm denial, but the woman just can't internalize that notion.  Further, if she is receiving pleasure and orgasms, she is overwhelmed by a sense of guilt by this non-reciprocal, and seemingly backward arrangement.  Sorme women even feel like cock-teases.  They feel they're becoming the kind of woman that men hate, because they tease and don't put out.  What they don't realize is that the chastity enthusiast wants the cock-tease!  We adore the cock tease!

So, Ladies.  Please remember.  Men, especially those who initiated the thought of chastity play, absolutely adore and crave orgasm denial, teasing, and giving you pleasure.  We're wired that way.  It's our "normal".  We're not the guys you grew up to expect.  We're not the ones who want to fuck you, blow our loads, and roll over and go to sleep.  Though we may have done that in the past, those of us suggesting chastity play want something better, for ourselves, and for you!

Trust us.  We're telling you it's what we want.  If you're feeling guilty, start slowly, but, try to relish it.  Try to turn your thinking around, try to imagine being a cock-tease and enjoying it.  Believe me when I say, we do!  Role play being the bitch who gets us all hot and bothered, and leaves us hanging.  Watch our reaction.  You'll see you drive us wild. 

Also, trust us to tell you if we need a break.  Whether it's for comfort, safety, or sanity.  Be open.  Communicate.  If you start feeling guilty, say something. Don't keep it inside.  Let's us prove to you that this is making us more happy than mere orgasms would.  Work thorough the guilt, and take back the sense of entitlement to pleasure that we want you to have.  We'll have a wonderful journey together!


  1. Many of the lines in this post bear repeating... in all caps and large font. TRUST US... it's true! I've got to share this post...

  2. Grey Owl,

    I'm glad it resonated with someone else as well.