Wednesday, December 22, 2010

Topping from the bottom - when is it OK?

I've you've read my blog at all, you know I've got a pet peeve about the massive volume of bad prescriptive advice out there for the newcomers to male chastity.   One topic frequently raised is Topping from the Bottom.

Just to make sure we're all on the same page.  In this context, Topping from the Bottom would be situations in which the chastity belt wearer is trying to direct the actions of the Keyholder.  Most of the blogs and resources out there will go out of their way to remind men not to Top from the Bottom as they work with their partner to take on the role of Keyholder.  I've read blog after blog in which the man says something like "I really wanted her to do thus and so, but I didn't want to Top from the Bottom, so I didn't talk to her about it."

As I've mentioned, time and again, one base fallacy that we're constantly confronted with is that most resources for novices to chastity play assume that this play is based in a D/s relationship.  I just don't think that's true. I think a lot of people do "bedroom" chastity play without the larger power exchange of a D/s relationship.  So, while Topping from the Bottom may undermine a D/s relationship, in a GGG sexual relationship involving chastity play, sometimes Topping from the Bottom may actually be helpful!  Belle, over on the Chastity Forums put it beautifully this morning in one of the forum threads. One of the men was discussing his wife's difficulties in taking on the role of Keyholder.  Belle offered this great tidbit.

Best advice I can offer is Talk, Talk, Talk.

I have issues taking control, and Jnuts at times needs to give me nudge in the direction of what he needs. He considers this topping from the bottom, I don't. He is not my slave/sub and I want and need his feedback, guidance. I know you said you were up with a teething child, so you have young ones at home. My experience is that I become so focused on their needs that I tend to ignore Jnuts and myself. It is not done on purpose, and I need him to pull me back..

So there's a beautiful example where Topping from the Bottom in a non-D/s relationship actually helped the couple stay on track to realizing their mutual vision of male chastity play.

It's not all whips, chains and stiletto heels.  For many couples, the only power exchange going on is the one in which the wearer has given the Keyholder the power to choose when he has his orgasms.  In those relationships, sometimes the Keyholder needs a little help to make sure it remains GGG and mutually enjoyable.   As Belle said - "Talk, Talk, Talk".

BTW, Belle and Jnuts have their own blog, "Nuts 4 Belle".  Check it out.  If it's not already on your list of favorites, it should be.


  1. Giving input is not topping from the bottom. It is a sub's responsibility. Just as it is a Domme's responsibility to take that input and use it as She sees fit.


  2. Mike, Great Post! As I have also posted, it is all in the communication.