Sunday, December 19, 2010

Orgasm Frequency Considerations

There seem to be a lot of different ideas about how long a chastity belt wearer should be locked up between releases.  As with almost any topic related to chastity, there are some small nuggets of wisdom out there, interspersed among a heaps and heaps of crap.  I'd like to examine the topic a little.

Initial Lockdown

There is a fair amount of material out in the internet discussing how long a man should be locked up without orgasm, after the initial fit and comfort issues are resolved with the chastity device.  A few of the early popular books and guides on chastity were written from a Femdom perspective.  Several of the influential Dommes suggested some pretty substantial periods for the initial lock-down.   It was not uncommon to see recommendations of  3 to 6 months, or even a year, once the initial comfort and fits are resolved, to "put him in the proper submissive frame of mind".

My biggest problem with these guides is that they are written from a Femdom perspective, and not from the perspective of a consensual couple, who are indulging in chastity play to enhance their relationship.  Let's face it.  Thousands and thousands of CB-xxxx devices have been sold.  Only a small minority of the couples playing with those things regularly are living a D/s lifestyle.  So, the prevailing prescriptive advice from the chastity "authorities" has very little use to the largest majority of couples indulging in chastity play.  In fact, I would argue that it's a disservice.  It feeds into the stereotypical fiction that everyone who wants to play with chastity devices wants to be locked up, enslaved, cuckholded and feminized. It's off-putting.  It's also setting a lot of false expectations, out there, in the heads of chastity novices.  For example, in the last few months, I've seen several posts on forums from men, new to chastity, asking "How long should my Wife lock me up the first time?  3 months?"  This is even before they've had the first conversation with their wives about chastity play.  It's a train-wreck in the making.  They're not in a D/s relationship.  They're trying to learn how this chastity stuff works, and the prevailing advice is that their wife should lock them up for 3 months.  Ugh!  It's no wonder that so many initial conversations about chastity devices fail, when the men finally screw up the courage to discuss it with their partners.

Now, if a couple is into a D/s dynamic, a long lock-down like this might work.  However, I would argue it's the "cold turkey" approach to beginning with chastity play.  I would imagine that few couples into D/s started their relationship "full steam ahead".  They worked slowly, built trust, and slowly broadened the power exchange.  Asking a man to go from, probably, daily masturbation to total loss of control of his orgasms, and denial of orgasms for months at a time is anything but a gradual increase in that power exchange.  Would it work in some couples?  Sure.  Do I think it's the best approach?  Hell no.  YMMV.

Release schedule in a non-D/s relationship

I've blogged before about Fixed vs Non-fixed release dates.  That consideration aside, how often is "right"?  What kind of targets should the KH be setting?  Well, that's a complex question.  A lot of factors go into it.
  • Does the KH get satisfaction from making him climax?
  • Does the KH want or prefer vaginal intercourse?
  • Did the couple negotiate minimums or maximums for durations?
  • Are they integrating Tease and Denial?
  • Are they integrating Ruined orgasms?
  • Do they like to play games of chance to spice up the release time?
  • Does the KH struggle with guilt over the duration?
  • How old is the wearer?  Older men can often go longer.
  • How long have they been doing chastity play?  Durations may increase with experience.
  • Is their family life hectic right now?  
  • Are they working around her period?
Any and all of these things may weigh into the decision about how long.  In a non-D/s relationship, it's really a negotiation.  My suggestion is start small, and take it where you want to take it.  Some couples like to set milestones or competitive goals over time - increasing the duration.  Others are happy with a keeping it at a particular duration on an ongoing basis.  Ultimately, it's your sex life.  Make it what you want to make it.

Release schedule in a D/s relationship

In a D/s relationship, all of the considerations mentioned above come into play, and then there are behavioral factors.  The sub may be expected to perform duties, or comport himself in a particular way to earn release.  One form of "punishment" might be longer durations without release, or ruined orgasms instead of pleasurable ones. 

As I said above, I think most D/s relationships build gradually.  The power exchange builds over time, as trust builds.  I would imagine that everything that makes that a good idea for the rest of the D/s relationship would apply to chastity play as well. 

Sub Drop

One common phenomenon mentioned in a lot of the forums is the notion of "sub drop".  After an orgasm, a submissive male is often a little less interested in chastity, and D/s in general.   Some men don't experience it much at all.  Others report that sub drop can cause a loss of interest in service, chastity and domination for up to a few weeks.  Couples who experience this sometimes take that into account when considering the duration of lockups.  I've read accounts from several D/s couples in which the man prefers to be locked for 2-3 months at a time, so that it's easier to be on his best behavior for the majority of the time. 

Sub drop is a very real thing, and D/s couples should expect it.  One consideration is whether the man should be locked up immediately after orgasm, so that the "sub drop clock" restarts as quickly as possible, or whether he should be left to his own devices for a time, until he once again has submissive feelings.  Again, I think it's up to the couple to work out.  Of course, I understand that "the couple" working it out in a D/s relationship may well mean "She decides".  That, however, is really what the couple agreed to with their power exchange in the first place.

So, there's no blanket formula for deciding how long is the ideal period of lockup for a chaste male.  There are as many ways to go about it as their are couples with chastity devices.  Start gently.  Build trust.  Have fun.  That's my advice.


  1. Great post, Mike. I was reading one of these "three months the first time locked, then a year" diatribes the other day and just shook my head...


  2. Good post. We recently brought MC into our relationship, and was was amazed at some of time frames mentioned on some blogs. We've never gone longer than 7 days, and honestly, these 5-7 day cycles have been amazing...don't see much need for 3 months!

  3. Hopefully, we can start getting some more "real" information out there for people, so they can begin enjoying this chastity kink as much as we do!

  4. Hi, great post.

    I vote 3-months min.

    If a man is coming from a background of habitual masturbation, his body needs time to adjust. three months at least, seems right to me.


  5. I started thinking about "natural cycles" to see if anything jumped out at me. Without much thought this is what I came up with.

    6 hrs - changing of the tide
    12 hrs - average cycle of the tide
    24 hrs - average cycle of the rotation of the earth
    28 days - the cycle of the moon
    3 months - changing of the seasons (solstice / equinox)
    1 year - cycle of the seasons / earth year

    We know that women are generally in alignment with the lunar cycle. So that could be an argument for 28 days. Many mammals produce their offspring in the spring, so maybe once a year (for humans that would be sometime late June).

    Then there are the cicada bugs, they only come once every 17 years .....