Wednesday, December 15, 2010

Fiction: Wanting Out: Her side

Wanting out: Her side
Copyright 2010 by mikecb

Dear Alyssa,

I know we haven’t chatted in over six months, but I just had to write you about the most bizarre experience that Rob and I had this morning.   I felt I had to write you, since this is obviously a topic that I just can’t bring up at the office with the girls.  It has to do with the chastity stuff that you and I were talking about last year.  I just have to tell someone or I’m going to burst!

Remember how you were giving me suggestions about spankings and pain play?  You told me that Rob would most likely want more and more of that, and I should try to get used to it.   Well, I wasn’t really thrilled with the idea, but we did try a few spanking sessions over the last few months.  You were right.  He seemed to love it and want more, but I just couldn’t get my head into it.  Putting my husband over my knee and spanking him just seemed so…  wrong.  I either felt like I was treating him like a little baby, or like I was a bad wife, hurting my husband.  It really didn’t work for me, even though he kept encouraging me to try more. 

Now, on the bright side, I’ve really grown much more comfortable holding the keys and denying him.  Back when we chatted, I was still plagued by guilt a lot of the time.  You really helped me a lot when you tried to remind me that sex isn’t all about the man’s orgasm.  That seemed to resonate with Rob too, and he was really wonderful helping me adapt to the notion that not every sexual encounter had to end with his orgasm.  After months and months, it finally started to feel like I was a teenager again.  I was thinking about this the other day.  Remember how when we were kids?  We might spend a dozen dates out with our boyfriends, just kissing and maybe letting them grope around a little, but we were inexperienced, and sex wasn’t even something we would have even considered!   At first, our boyfriends didn’t seem to mind.   Heck, they loved it!   It was funny sending them home with those tents in their pants.  They kept coming back for more.  It was hot, and sexy, and it just felt great!  I remember that I really began to feel like a Woman, back then, even though we hadn’t really had sex, or even orgasms.  Unfortunately, somehow, as time wore on, it all went to hell.  The name calling started – “cock tease” and worse.  It wasn’t long before it felt like an obligation to have sex, or at least give him a blow job, or I was the bad guy. 

That horrible pattern of expectations went on for years, until, well, like most women, I just accepted it.  It was the way sex worked.  Somehow, I totally forgot about how fun it used to be.  I was stuck in this rut, thinking that every affectionate moment had to lead to the man’s orgasm, or I was a bad person.  At least, that’s what I thought until Rob brought home that chastity tube, and tried to turn my thinking around. 

Well, as I said.  It took months and months, and coaching from both him and you, but finally, sex got to be fun again!  We’ve been acting like teenagers!  If I wanted to sit on the couch and make out for an hour, and then just go to sleep, I can do that!  There was no expectation, and, after a time, no guilt.  It was hot.  It was sexy.  Rob was eating it up.  When I finally did let him out of that tube, we’d go at it like horny kids again.  Thank GOD Silvia’s got so many activities away from home with cheerleading and the debate team.  We haven’t been so physical since before she was born!

Anyway, things were going so well!  That is, until about a month ago.  Both Rob and I got pounded with more responsibilities at work.  The economy caused both of our workgroups to be reduced, but they sure didn’t reduce the amount of work either of us had to do.  He’s been working long hours and coming home late.  I’m spending afternoons on the weekend catching up on paperwork.  All that on top of the Holidays coming up, and a bunch of Silvia’s school activities.  Well, it suffices to say that one week led to another, and soon it was more than three weeks, and Rob had been locked up without relief.  Now, that’s not an unusual length of time anymore, but we had been so busy that one or the other of us would just not have the energy to do any “maintenance”, as you called it.  I’d try to do a little teasing, but frankly, I haven’t been feeling that frisky.  He started making some pretty obvious gestures that he wanted some sexual attention, but frankly, I wasn’t in the mood.  I like our new way.  I don’t want to go back to just lying back and thinking of England whenever my husband wants to take the edge off.   I thought we had moved past that, but he got angry.
Rob had been getting progressively crankier and crankier, just like you said Tony does sometimes.  I tried to do a little teasing, but it wasn’t enough, apparently, because he just got more and more annoying.  I noticed he had stopped doing some of the little things he used to do, like ask me if I needed more coffee, or taking care of little chores.  I guess I knew he was doing more and more of that kind of thing since he had started wearing the CB, but I guess I didn’t realize how much until he stopped.  I don’t know if he did it to make me mad, or if he just didn’t even realize.  But it did make me mad.  I guess I had come to expect it, and hell, why not?  I had made a lot of concessions to indulge this chastity kink of his.  I deserved a little pampering!

Anyway, it reached a boiling point last night.  He was cranky all day.  I tried, again, at bed time to give him a little attention.  He just turned his back on me and went to sleep.  At first I was so angry.  Then I was frustrated.  The next thing I knew, I was crying.  I didn’t know what to do.  I even contemplated unlocking him and fucking his brains out, even though that would just reward him for being a real prick, not to mention the fact that I was certainly in NO mood for love making after the way he’d been acting!

Anyway, I lay awake half the night trying to figure out what to do, when I remembered how you said Tony gets.  You mentioned that sometimes he just needs a good thrashing to take the edge off.  I remember when you said that it could work better than sex, and I thought you were nuts! hehe.  Well, I was at my wits end, so I wondered if we should try to arrange another spanking session.  I don’t enjoy them, but if it would help him get his head back on straight, I was willing to try anything.

I had pretty much resolved to arrange a spanking date with him the next evening.  Silvia had a cheerleading thing.  If I could get him to run her over there, and come home, we might be able to sneak something in before running back out to get her.  Well, this morning, after Sil left for school, I started to talk about the logistics for the evening.  That’s when all hell broke loose.  Here I was trying to make arrangements to do something I knew he would love, and he started arguing with me again.  I was SO pissed.  Finally, I just yelled “Fuck it!” and threw the key to his CB at him.

I couldn’t believe I did that!  The damn key was still in mid-air, and I was already panicked.  I didn’t want him to have it!  I didn’t want him going off and jerking off.  I had never realized how possessive of his orgasms I had become until I risked giving up that control.  I wanted him in that chastity tube where he belonged!  I was horrified by what I did, but I was still so angry.  I was in a panic, thinking he’d just pick up the key and walk away!  I almost burst into tears right then in there, terrified by what might happen.

He surprised me.  He didn’t grab the key and run.  Instead, he was suddenly all “I’m sorry… That’s not what I want.”  It’s funny.  The moment I wasn’t terrified he’d make off with the key, I went right back to being pissed at him!   I was supposed to be in charge of orgasms, and he seemed to be trying to emotionally manipulate me.  I wasn’t happy about it, and I accused him of trying to change our arrangement.  Now, that wasn’t completely fair, and I’ll admit that I regretted saying it even as the words left my mouth.  I was being awfully impulsive this morning, I guess.  I chalk it up to my own frustrations! 

Anyway, as he was trying to assure me that he wasn’t trying to change anything, I was already trying to figure out how to salvage the situation.  The more I had thought about it, the more I knew in my heart of hearts that you were right.  He needed that pain play.  In fact, he didn’t need it tonight.  He needed it now.  I had to resolve this, or we were going to be at each other’s throats all day.  So, as he was begging and pleading that he wasn’t trying to change anything, I put my foot down and said “Prove it!”

I was shocked by his response.  Like I said, we haven’t really played the Dominant/submissive games much, but suddenly, he was like a little puppy.  “What do I have to do?” he asked.  I knew at that instant that I “had him”.  We could do this pain play, get it out of the way, and maybe his deplorable moods would come to an end.  I wanted him to admit it to me, though.  I wanted him to tell me he wanted some pain play.   I guess I was also being a little cruel.  I told him to “Beg”, and when he asked for “what?”, I said “Tell me what you need.” 

He really was being submissive all the sudden.  He literally went on his knees and begged me, but he was only begging me to take the keys back.  Now, I was happy I was going to get them back, but that wasn’t enough.  I knew we’d just be back where we started.   I pushed the issue and said “You still haven’t told me what you need.”   His answer shocked me again.  I guess he knew he needed pain play, but it wasn’t just masochistic pain play.  He said “I need to be punished.”  He was acting deeply, deeply submissive!

I really wasn’t ready for that.  I had assumed he’d just suggest some pain play to take the edge off.   He had certainly been asking me for it lately.  Instead, he was acting all defeated, and wanted me to “punish” him.  Like I said, I’m having a real problem with that notion.  Still, I was convinced we needed to do some pain play, or we were going to be in a really bad place, so I just said “Yes, you do.” as I scrambled to think of what to do.   I quickly hatched a plan, and ordered him to go bend over the kitchen table and drop his pants.   I wanted some kind of paddle or spatula, so I reached into the kitchen drawer to find something.  I didn’t have anything decent to use!  I was afraid they’d break.  Finally my eyes fell upon a rice paddle that my neighbor had lent me.  It looked sturdy enough.  As I walked over toward Rob, I was already trying to decide if I was going to buy her a new rice paddle, or just wash this one really well before I gave it back.  Does that make me a bad neighbor? lol

He was bent over the table, and I saw his eyes grow big when he saw the paddle.  I was trying to psyche myself into doing this.  I felt so…. awful.  Still, I was committed.   I actually started to yell at him a little, to try and get myself to the point that I could actually swing this paddle at him.  I criticized him for asking me to do this whole chastity thing with him, and then being such a bastard about it lately.  I even yelled at him for making me cry.  Well, I guess it worked.  I wound up and hit him a good one – way harder than I intended!  He yelped and jumped about a foot off the floor as he grabbed his ass!

Well, I had worked myself up pretty well.  I had no sympathy.  I screamed at him to bend back over, or I was going to smack him in the balls instead!  He bent over, and I worked harder to control my swing.  I did my best to warm him up, the way you had taught me, and then started laying into him a little harder.  Then, the strangest thing happened.  As I was hitting him, and he started yelping, I started feeling better!  With every swing, all the pent up frustrations and stress from his bad moods and the holidays were melting away.  I realized I was smiling and grunting a little with the effort, while Rob was flopping around on the kitchen table.  I figured he’d yell his safeword if it hurt too much.  But, even stranger, while I was somehow getting this savage relief from paddling his ass, he basically broke down.  He stopped yelping, and just started crying.   Somehow, I could identify with that.  Sometimes I just need a good cry to get it out of my system.  Well, Rob needed to get something out of his system, and being a man, he just couldn’t get at those emotions without some help.  I guess a paddle on the ass was what it took.

I hit him a few more times, but not very hard.  He was just sprawled on the table crying.  He needed some comfort, and to know I still loved him.  I set the paddle down, and just spooned up behind him.  I held him for a while, until the emotions ran their course.   I realized, as I held him, that my own heart was racing, but that I wasn’t angry anymore either.  Later in the day, he texted me and used the word “cathartic”.   I think that applied to both of us.

Anyway, eventually, I stood him up and turned him around.  I could tell with one glance at him that “whatever” it was that was going on inside him was gone.  He was my loving Rob again.  I gave him a hug.  It was then I noticed he had a raging boner in his chastity tube. lol.    Thank god you had talked to me about this kind of stuff, or I never would have understood.  I just laughed and called him a “perv”.  He said something very sweet in return.

We made up, and went on our way to work.  Everything seems mended, at least for now.  It seems like this spanking stuff was good for both of us.  I don’t think Rob is going to have to nag me so much about it anymore.  I have to admit, I could get to liking it!

So, thanks again Alyssa, all your advice was so helpful.  I regret we haven’t talked more in the last year.  Let’s not let that happen again!

All the best to you and Tony!

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