a question on Chastity Forums about those things that really turn guys on when they think about being locked in chastity. Some of these are fantasies, and some are things that may really go on in their relationships. I made a laundry list of things I could think of, and solicited feedback and additions.
It's been a while, so I've read back through the conversation, and counted up the things that struck people's hot buttons. Now, the results surprised me a little, until I considered the audience. The active members on Chastity Forums are predominately married folks, trying to make male chastity and orgasm control work within the context of their non-D/s marriages. The largest majority of the responses were from men, so I'll stick to those results for this blog.
Tease and Denial (7 votes) - This is the idea of being locked and receiving intimate attention without orgasm. This is an obvious no-brainer for men who suggest chastity play to their partners.
Non-reciprocal sex (giving, but not receiving orgasms) (7 votes) - Another obvious one, I think. Giving pleasure without receiving it is its own form of Tease and Denial, and also increases the sense of intimacy. For those into D/s, I think this also rubs some of the subservient pleasure buttons.
Humiliation - outed to KH's female friends (5 votes) - This one wasn't on my original list specifically, but got so much mention that it warranted its own category. I find it interesting that it was mentioned as a HOT, HOT, HOT fantasy many times, but in real life there's not a lot of it going on. Perhaps it's too scary for the KH to discuss this intimate secret with her friends? Perhaps she thinks her partner doesn't really want her to tell a friend, even though he fantasizes about it? Over the years, I can think of 2 or 3 times I've heard people relate stories (that I was willing to believe) of a friend or family member being let in on the chastity secret. In every case, it turned out OK, and it was an immense rush for the wearer. Perhaps the votes are telling a tale here, and the KH's should hear it?
Long term chastity (weeks, months, years without release) (5 votes) - This one surprised me a little. too. This is a major turn-on of mine, but I didn't realize how widely desirable it was. Now, I didn't differentiate between "fantasy" and "reality" when I asked about turn-ons, so that could temper the results a little. It's also interesting because, though this is a hot fantasy, one common theme of complaints among men in chastity is when they've been locked up for a long time without attention. Perhaps the key to success is to keep up the Tease and Denial and Non-reciprocal sex during the long dry spell for the man.
Predicament Chastity (4 votes) - I've blogged about predicament chastity before. This is the idea that the wearer is forced between two tough choices. Often one choice is immediate gratification, but with an undesirable side effect, against the choice of a longer period of chastity, with a more desirable outcome. For example, "You can cum now, but then you won't get another for at least 3 months, or I can tease you now without release, and maybe I'll let you cum next week." These are delicious dilemmas!
Body Service (massage, mani-pedi, shaving) (4 votes) - I think this ties in heavily with non-reciprocal sex. Just the notion of paying this intimate attention to his partner keeps a man's libido peaked.
Female Domination (3 votes) - This is a full-on D/s relationship, which extends past chastity play and into lifestyle. This will warrant another whole blog post later, but it does appear that some couples that began with simple chastity play, slowly take D/s out of the bedroom into larger and larger aspects of their lives. I think that's really neat and exciting, but I'll blog about my thoughts there another time. I think I have too much to say about it.
Semen consumption (3 votes) - This is another one that warranted its own category. I had basically lumped it with humiliation play in my own mind. A lot of men fantasize about consuming their own seed when they're at the peak of pre-orgasmic excitement, but the moment they climax, the notion becomes repellent. I've seen some reports of success with ruined orgasms, in this regard. They're still horny enough to actually go through with it after they climax. Also, I think some men are embarrassed by this desire, and want to be "forced" to do it.
Strap-on sex (giving or receiving) (2 votes) - Again, I think this falls into both non-reciprocal sex, and tease and denial. I think being pegged may also have some submissive or even bi-curious appeal.
Mounding - bodymod (2 votes) - This one had appeal to some men as well as women. The notion is that a body modification is done which essentially sews the penis downward and wraps it in the testicles. The result is a man with no outward appearing genitalia, but with all his sex drive and desire intact. I think it appeals on a number of fronts, including the notion of permanent chastity, as well as an aesthetic feminization of the man. This mounding concept is explored here on the Male Protection blog.
Chaste from birth/childhood/adolescence (2 votes) - This is strictly from the fantasy realm, but there was definitely some common interest in the fantasy of a Femdom reality, in which boys are divided at a very young age, and some are destined to be breeders, and others for permanent chastity. I suspect most of those turned on by this fantasy want to be the boys who are locked up, and forced by destiny to be the perpetual horny virgins who've never even experienced an orgasm.
Toilet Service (golden showers, scat) (2 votes) - Specifically, only watersports were addressed in the forums. I don't recall anyone saying "pick me" for the scat fantasies. hehe. One man acknowledged this as a fantasy, only to have his wife post immediately afterward "I learn something new everyday!" Enjoy, you two! I'll be watching your blog! ;-p
Pain play / CBT ( 2 votes) - I was a little surprised this wasn't higher on the list, since I'm a total pain slut myself. However, I did ask people to tell me their top two or three, so perhaps it's popular, but not at the top of people's lists. Then again, maybe I'm just a masochistic freak.
Permanent, irrevocable chastity (the mythical un-removable device) (1 vote) - Being a group of mostly married and sexually active people, this result doesn't surprise me much. I think the fantasy is also tempered by the difficulty in "suspending disbelief" over such a device, since many of us spend a great deal of time blogging about our struggles to find something that's comfortable, even for a week at a time!
Domestic Service (house cleaning, etc) (one vote) - I think this leans more toward a D/s fantasy than a chastity related one. If I were to ask these questions in a more D/s or Femdom audience, I would expect this result would have been higher. I know that house cleaning and domestic chores are a great source of pleasure for many men in the Femdom blogs I read.
Humiliation - loaned out to friends for "service" (1 vote) - This is a more specialized kink, I imagine. "Service" can mean many things, and I didn't define it. It may be house cleaning, body service, or even sexual service. I didn't distinguish, and this didn't generate much conversation.
Humiliation - outed at kinky gatherings - kept chaste (1 vote) - I should probably change this to a "2", since I think this is kind of hot myself. The original mention was the notion of attending something like Hedonism, but with kinky folk, and being outed as a chastity device wearer for the duration. I guess a caveat, in my mind, is that if you're at a kinky gathering, chastity play is really fairly mainstream. Would it really feel humiliating? For example, I attended the Chastity Mansion Gathering this past Fall, and was there in a chastity device. However, so were most of the other men. I wouldn't say it rubbed any "Humiliation" buttons. If anything, I felt a sense of solidarity, being among other chastity enthusiasts.
Nullification by device (no votes) - This is the notion of wearing a full chastity belt, and enjoying the sensation of "nullification" because you have absolutely no access to the genitals. I personally find this kind of hot, but it didn't get much attention on the forum. In fact, one of the female members actively disliked the idea, stating that she preferred to see the male genitals locked in a tube, rather than hidden away.
Sissification (no votes) - I think this was simply a function of the audience. If I asked this question at Chastity Mansion, I'm sure this would have been a top contender.
Female Supremacy (no votes) - This is Femdom taken to the next level, where the sub believes that all females are inherently superior to males. Not a lot of bites on that one. I think most folks on the Chastity Forums, myself included, think that the notion of Female Supremacy is as flawed as White Supremacy or Religious Supremacy.
Forced same-sex intimacy (no votes) - I originally called this "Forced Homosexuality", and a few people took exception to the term. I agree that it was a poor choice (though I still think it reads easier, so nyaa! *sticks out tongue*). ;-p I think Bi-curious and same-sex fantasies seem more prevalent in some of the D/s blogs than in the Chastity Forums. It may just be a function of the active and vocal people at the moment.
Cuckholding (no votes) - This one surprised me. It wasn't even really discussed much in the realm of fantasy. Whereas, on Chastity Mansion, it's a very popular and recurring topic. I guess people just self-select to the forums that best match their interests.
So, what does all this mean? Well, folks into chastity have some pretty common fantasies. That's really cool. The fact that we can write them down in a short list can be helpful in discussing them with a partner. Several of the kink web sites have "checklists" where two kinky people can check the boxes, and see areas of common interest or disinterest. Perhaps a couple new to chastity should take a look down this list, and say "This one makes me hot" or "This one makes me want to hurl!" It's all about communication, after all. Also, who knows? You may dust off the list a year later, and the answers may have changed.
Talk about it!