Saturday, December 4, 2010

Spanking, Discipline, and Chastity

I'd like to direct this blog specifically to chastity enthusiasts (perhaps novices) who have been surfing the internet looking for resources about chastity, and have been put off my the large amount of conversation regarding spankings, floggings and discipline in chastity play.   In particular, I'd like to address it with you because, frankly, I think most of what you read out there is a load of shit.

Now, I am a chastity enthusiast who indulges in spankings and floggings.  Don't get me wrong.  However, for me, this has absolutely nothing to do with "discipline".  There is a large population of people out there, myself included, who do "Pain Play", simply because it's fun!

As I related in my earlier blogs, my Wife and I attended a weekend-long play party retreat in November (Friday, Saturday, Sunday).  Now, unlike many of the others who were there, I don't identify as submissive so much as masochistic.  For the weekend, my Wife had loaned me out to play with a friend of ours, since my Wife isn't into pain play. 

Now, in the flogging play that I've participated in, my general demeanor is very lighthearted.  I'm there because I enjoy the sensations of pain play.  Likewise, the Top in the scene is generally there because she enjoys giving pain, and watching the bottom's reactions.   It seems completely natural to me that in such a situation, we're both having a good time, and it's natural to giggle and laugh as we play.  In fact, as the endorphins kick in, I tend to get downright giddy.  It's almost difficult for me not to laugh.  When a particularly hard blow lands, and I react much more strongly than before, I usually yell, and then burst out laughing.  Fortunately, the Domme I was playing with was of exactly the same mindset.  We were laughing and joking away, as she battered my back and bottom.  It was wonderful.

As a counter-point, at this particular party, there was a Domme who apparently found this quite inappropriate.  I heard her from across the room, several times, exclaim "Was that laughing?!?  Why is there laughing?!?"  Apparently, she seems to want to project a serious and intimidating image, and when she played with her own sub, she found any kind of levity during a play session to be totally unacceptable.

I think this pretty clearly illustrated a difference in attitudes about pain play.  Some use it for discipline, but most (I think) use it for enjoyment.. 

I've been to numerous play parties, now.  There is a lot of flogging and spanking going on out there.  Approximately none of it that I saw had the slightest thing to do with "discipline".  Now, I will admit that there are those of us that turn a good flogging into a giggle-fest, and others who receive their flogging as a more cathartic, emotional, experience.  But most still enjoy it, and in fact, desire and request it.  Most people being bent over a knee, or being strapped to a cross for a flogging are there because they WANT it, not because they're "been bad".

So, here's why I bring it up.  There's a lot of chastity stories and Femdom porn out there, in which pain, floggings and spankings are delivered as discipline.  These stories would try to make the novice chastity enthusiast believe that such painful disciplining is a normal part of chastity play.  I personally think that in the real world, this is an extremely small segment of the "chastity" population.  Sure, there are people out there who live a "lifestyle" D/s relationship, and use spankings and floggings as a disciplinary tool, or for behavior modification.  I just think that this is a very very small percentage.

So, if you're a novice to chastity play, and you run into blogs, or forums, or stories in which the author is going on and on about how you must spank and punish your submissive chastity belt wearer to modify his behavior, please just be aware, that it's most likely a guy writing that fiction, and he's probably doing it with one hand, while the other is occupied between his legs.

My wife and I have a euphemism for when I see a Domme for a flogging.  We call it my "Spa Day".  I think it's a good one.  It's all about the experience of enjoying one's own skin, and all the pleasurable sensations it can offer you.  We both love our spa days, in our own way.

So don't be put off chastity play because someone's trying to feed you a line about having to discipline your mate.  If that's not your game, the answer is simple.  Don't play it.


  1. I'm with you on this one. I'm a chastity enthusiast and I get 'punished' by NOT getting a spanking.

    My wife usually has at least one weekend a year with the girls as a 'spa' weekend. I wonder if she would go for me spending a weekend with a Domme for a flogging.


  2. atone,

    It's worth a try. We knew a Pro Domme from some play parties we attended, so I approached her about a session. My wife came along to the first one, and sat on the sidelines cheering "C'mon, you can hit him harder than THAT!" lol. Having come with me, and gotten comfortable with what goes on, she was fine with me going solo the next time.