Chastity, Disclipline and Punishment

Another one for the chastity novices out there....  I touched on this subject here, in the past, but I think this deserves some separate treatment.

So, a large number of chastity blogs and written material discuss various forms of punishment used during chastity play.  In his recent blog at At All Times, the submissive husband makes a good observation:

In many cases, most in fact I suspect, submissive men all seem drawn toward the concept of wanting to be punished in some way by there wives or girl friends. Not necessarily involving inflicting pain, but as a way in which he can be made to feel powerless to resist her, and that she can demonstrate to him her willingness to impose her power over him.

This is a common thread in many chastity blogs, and unfortunately, can lead to a lot of problems for the novice chastity enthusiasts. A lot of men ask their partners for chastity play, when what they're trying to achieve is a more involved submissive role.

Imagine, for a moment, you believe yourself to be a happily married woman in a comfortable sexual relationship with your husband.  One day, he walks up to you and confesses a desire to wear a chastity device.  You try to understand, and put on your GGG Big Girl Panties, and say "OK, we can try."  Then, a week or two later, while you're still uncertain about how all this works, he starts acting out, and suggesting that he should be punished!  You think "Don't we have enough problems with the kids, without having ANOTHER one in the house?!?  Forget it!!!"

Chastity play does not necessarily imply a Dominant/submissive relationship.  In fact, if you're just getting started, it may be a bad idea to interject that additional baggage with your chastity play.  Now, chastity play may lead to a D/s relationship, or a D/s relationship may be embellished by chastity play.  However, don't assume they go hand, and especially don't assume that your partner thinks so.

In many ways, a D/s relationship is much more complicated than a relationship simply involving orgasm control. Orgasm control is, basically, a bedroom-only D/s relationship.  Make sure you're clear on what you want, and what you communicate as you get started.

Start slow.  Establish some successes, some trust, and some goodwill.   If you want to be submissive to your partner, and wear a chastity device, you may begin by simply suggesting Orgasm Control, and see if you can build from there.